Dear Anna Lisa Kristina,
So since you’re not accepting my phone calls, I’m gonna write you letter explaining what I mean. Shit, I don’t even know why you’re so mad at me. What the fuck did I do?
Was it because I want to be honest with you? Because I want you to be honest with me? Because I believe that we should tell each other every little thing we’re feeling to the other so our relationship will be based in truth instead of what everyone around is doing? Basing their relationships on fear? Or is it because I keep saying we’re in a relationship and you just don’t like hearing the word? Because it scares you? Because you don’t think you’re ready?
Well guess what, Tweety Bird, no one is ready. This thing happens when it decides to happen and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Love happens. And no one will ever be ready. What makes the difference between a good one and a bad one is if the people don’t give into their fear of the past or the present or for the future, when they look into the other persons eyes and just give faith to that person that they both can do this together. That they will not be alone in their daily struggles. That they have someone who they can talk to about things, about anything, about everything. That’s what it really is about, Tweety. you got to trust me. Otherwise, why are we even doing this?
Yeah. I know. I can come off a little too intense. I can’t help that. When I see you, when I think about your face, your big glasses, your chubby cheeks, your friggin’ bangs, your hands, it makes me want to trust you. And I want to get the ball rolling because I can see us being in each other lives for a really long time. I don’t know why I feel that, but see this is what i’m talking about. I’m putting my faith in you. I’m trusting you to be with me every step of the way.
When I get my seventeenth job. When I get fired from my seventeenth job. When I apply for my eighteenth job. When I go to college. When I graduate from college. When I get my novel published. When I become rich and famous. When I go bankrupt for hiring a shady accountant. When I am about to beat him up but think about our children and stop myself. When I find another, less stressful, but consistent job. When I get old and wrinkly.
When you graduate school. When you go into nursing school. When you graduate. When you work double shifts and your feet hurt and you just look at me and I know to get the oil and rub your feet. When you have our first baby. When you get promoted to head nurse. When you transfer from a county facility to private. When you have our second baby. When you take me to your high school reunion. When you see our kids off to college. When you get old and wrinkly.
now I’m not saying that’s how it’s going to go. I don’t even know if we’ll last ten months. Shit, according to you, we’re not even in a relationship! But everything I’ve talked about in the previous paragraphs is what everyone want, ultimately, we might as well admit to it, face it, be honest about it, and live up to it. together.
I want to find out if we ARE going to have that life together. Because if we aren’t, we’ll find out soon enough.
But we have to have faith in each other enough to try. Otherwise, we should just be friends.
With All My Heart,
Xavier De Los Santos
